Saturday, July 17, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
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Berto: kamusta assignment?
Ricardo: masama, wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper pinasa ko!
Berto: Naku ako rin! Paano 'yan , iisipin ni Ma'am nagkopyahan tayo!
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Husband: Hon, musta na ang tindahan?
Wife: department store na!
Husband: ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: ang trickad?
Wife: taxi na!
Husband: ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: lima na!
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Divorced father: Anak pag-uwi mo, ibigay mo sa Nanay mo itong tseke at sabihin mo 18 years old ka na, huling tseke na makukuha niya for child support, tapos tingnan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: Mommy, sabi ni Daddy ibigay ko daw sa ‘yo itong tseke, last support na niya ito sa akin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tingnan ko raw ang expression ng face mo.
Mommy: Sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya, pakisabi salamat sa suporta kahit ‘di mo siya Tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo ang expression ng face niya!
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la lang :)♥
Addicted to Twitter? Hooked on FaceBook? Can’t get enough of your favorite blogs and websites? It seems there are so many more reasons to stay online these days… which means endless hours of sitting. But since that is just so unhealthy, I’ve come up with some ideas to help you get fit while you're online - exercises to get your heart rate up, help you tone up, and de-stress. All at the comfort of that computer desk you're glued to ... or close by.
1. Cyber Squats - Who says you have to sit when you're online? Set your chair aside for a few minutes and instead do squats as you cruise around the Web. I'm squatting right now as I write this - ouch!
Try these Shotgun Squats
2. RSS Raises – As you're sitting at your desk, straighten your knees and lift your legs out in front of you. Do this as you catch up on your favorite blogs on your RSS reader. What the heck is RSS?
3. 10 Minute Move it! Break #1 – Alternate jogging in place with jumping jacks – do a minute of each and repeat 5 times.
4. Twitter Tummy Tone - Tighten your abs for 30 seconds and then release. Do this as you tweet. Tweet me here
5. Social Squeezes – Tighten your glutes for 30 seconds and then release. (Good thing noone can see you at this social, right?) Repeat as you Stumble, Digg, or Friend on Facebook.
6. 10 Minute Move it! Break #2 – Grab a step stool and climb up and down – get creative if you like and alternate knee lifts at the top of the step. Or how 'bout a creative housecleaning workout break?
7. Inbox Incline - While you're sitting with your feet on the floor, raise your heels so you are on the balls of your feet and lower them. Make sure you can feel it in your calves. Do this as you read and reply to your emails.
8. 10 Minute Move it! Break #3 – Do walking lunges around the house or office. Want to make it more challenging? Add some weights and do bicep curls at the same time. Or try some of Jamie Eason's plyometrics moves
9. Blogger Breather - Grab a quick minute to just close your eyes and focus on your breath. Count to 10 as you slowly inhale through your nose, thinking positive thoughts. Exhale through your mouth, again counting to 10. This time release all the tension and stress out of your body. Repeat if you have a few more seconds.
10. Sign Off Stretches. Your neck and shoulders can get pretty tense when you sit at a computer too long. So loosen them up throughout the day with:
a) Shoulder shrugs - with your head at your chest, shrug your shoulders up and down.
b) Neck Rolls - relax your shoulders and let your head roll forward. Slowly rotate your head in a circle. Repeat five times.
Do these exercises throughout the day to avoid becoming a computer potato!
credits: Yahoo Philippines
Noong ikaw ay bata pa, Nagawa mo ba ang mga ito?
1. Kumakain ka ba ng aratilis? ( hehehe... d nyo alam e2?? )
2. Nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing soapy bubbles na hihipanmo sa binilog na tanggkay ng walis tingting?
3. Pinipilit ka ba matulog ng nanay mo pag hapon at di ka papayagan maglaro pag di ka natulog?
4. Marunong ka magpatintero, saksak puso, langit-lupa, teleber-teleber, luksong tinik?
5. Malupit ka pag meron kang atari, family computer or nes?
6. Alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right,b, a, start?
tapos maglalaro ng super mario?
7. May mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy London, Cross Colors, Esprit, Blowing Bubbles at pag nakakakita ka ng Bench na damit eh naalala mo si Richard Gomez?
8. Addict ka sa rainbow brite, carebears, my little pony,thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos, he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi pa translated sa tagalog?
9. Nanonood ka ng Shaider kasi nabobosohan mo si Annie at type na type mo ang puting panty nya?
10. Alam mo ibig sabihin ng time space warp at di mo makakalimutan ang
time space warp chant?
11. Marunong ka mag wordstar at nakahawak ka na talaga ng 5.25 na floppy disk?
12. Kilala mo si manang bola at ang sitsiritsit girls?e si luning-ning at luging-ging?
13. Inaabangan mo lagi ang batibot at akala mo magkakatuluyan si kuya bodgie at ate sienna.
14. Alam mo lyrics ng "tinapang bangus" at "alagang-alaga namin si puti"?
15. Nung high school ka inaabangan mo lagi beverly hills 90210?
16. Gumagamit ka ng AQUANET para pataasin ang bangs mo?
17. Meron kang blouse na may padding kung babae ka at
Meron kang sapatos na mighty kid kung lalake ka?
18. Nangongolekta ka ng paper stationaries at mahilig ka magpapirma sa slumbook mo para lang malaman mo kung sino ang crush ng type mo?
19. idol mo si McGyver at nanonood kang perfect strangers?
20. Eto malupet... six digits lang ba ang phone number nyo dati?
21.. Nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng 3 bentesingko lang ang dala?
22. Cute pa si aiza seguerra sa eat bulaga at alam mo ang song na "eh kasi bata"?
23. at manood ng Eat Bulaga sa Channel 13 tapos nalipat sa 9 tapos sa 5 sumunod sa dos at ngayon nasa GMA 7 na..
24. O kaya naman manood ng 'sang linggo na po sila ng APO sa dos..
25. Inabutan mo ba na ang Magnolia Chocolait eh nasa glass bottle pa na ginagawang lalagyan ng tubig ng nanay mo sa ref?
26.. Meron kang pencil case na maraming compartments na pinagyayabang mo sa mga kaklase mo?
27. Noon mo pa hinahanap kung saan ang Goya Fun Factory?
28. Alam mo ang kantang "gloria labandera".. lumusong sha sa tubig ang paa ay nabasa at ang "1, 2, 3, asawa ni marie"... hehehehehe?
29.Sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at Lego... at nag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe action figures at iba pa ang mukha ni barbie noon?
30. Inabutan mo pa yung singkong korteng bulaklak at yung diyes na square?
31. lumaki kang bobo dahil ang akala mo nangangagat talaga ang alimango sa kantang tong-tong-tong... diba naninipit yun?
32. Alam mo yung kwento ng pari na binigyan ng pera yung batang umakyat ng puno para bumili ng panty... and shempre, alam mo rin ba kung ano binigay nya sa nanay nung umakyat ng puno?
33. Meron kang kabisadong kanta ni andrew e na alam mo hanggang ngayon.. aminin?
34. Laging lampin ang sinasapin sa likod mo pag pinapawisan ka?
35. Bumibili ka ng tarzan, texas at bazooka bubble gum... tira-tira, at yung kending bilog na sinawsaw sa asukal?
36. Nanonood ka ba ng Madeline, Art Jam,Silip, detek Kids, Pahina Kokey, Hiraya Manawari, Math Tinik, Epol Apple, B1 at B2 at Bayani bago pumasok sa School lalo na kung pang-hapon ka??
37. Takot ka dumating ang year 2000 dahil sabi nla magugunaw daw ang mundo at yun ang tatawaging Y2K at pag dating daw ng year 2000 mawawala lahat ng powers ng mga appliances sa bahay nyo at mabubuhay ang buong mundo ng walang ilaw sa gabi?
38. Maaga ka umuuwi pagkagaling sa school kase manunuod ka ng That's Entertainment or AngTV?
Kung alam mo lahat dito lagpas ka na ng 25 years old... kapag halos lahat alam mo, nasa 18-25 ka...
huwag ka magdeny.. tumawa ka na lang.. di ba 75 centavos pa lang pamasahe sa jeep noon at mas masarap ang mellow yellow kesa sa mountain dew at lift?
at higit sa lahat 4:30 na kase AngTV na or THATS ENTERTAINMENT kase inaabangan mo bagong dance steps ng UNIVERSAL MOTION DANCERS!
Wag kalimutan ang sayaw na TONY at boy band n MENUDO
• A parlor in San Juan: Cut & Face
• A wholesaler of balut in Sto. Tomas, Batangas: Starduck
• A small Internet café: Cafe Pindot
• A laundry in Manila: Summa Cum Laundry
• A noodle restaurant in Pampanga: Mekeni Rogers
• A restaurant in Pasig: Johnny’s Fried Chicken, The “Fried” of Marikina
• A boxing gym in Taguig: Blow Jab
• A tombstone maker in Antipolo: Lito Lapida
• A copy center in Sikatuna Village, Quezon City: Pakopya ni Edgar
• A kambingan: Sa Goat Kita
• A salon somewhere: Curl Up And Dye
• A store selling feeds for chicken along Sucat Road: Robocock
• A shoe repair in Marikina: Dr. Shoe-Bago
• A shoe repair shop along Commonwealth Avenue, Quezon City: SHOEPERMAN (We will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you)
• A petshop: Petness First
• A flower shop: Susan’s Roses
• A taxicab: Income Taxi
• A second-hand watch store: 2nd Time Around
• A squid stall in a wet market: Pusit to the Limit
• A lawyer’s extension office: Nota Republic
• A ceiling installer: Kisame Street
• A car-repair shop: Bangga ka ‘day!
• An aquatic pet store in Malolos: Fish Be With You
• A fishball cart along P. Campa St., near UST: Eat My Balls
• A barber shop in Cagayan de Oro: Pinoy Big Barber
• A resto in Baclaran: The Last Supper
• A party-needs business: Balloon-Balloonan
• A Chinese restaurant in Pasig: Lah-Fang
• A store selling fresh chicken, apparently owned by a woman named Dina: Dina Fresh Chicken
• A Hair Salon in Makati: Hair We Go Again
Unfortunately, language does not have a governing body like the WHO. There are no monitoring bodies to track down the migration of viruses, no one to combat their spread, no one to file criminal charges. These are the phrases that contribute to the speedy decline of civilization. And whoever started them deserves a slow and painful death by swine flu.
1. "Ayt"– Because you're not black, and you're not a total idiot. And don't think for one second you're cute.
2. "Aylavet"– It's like Kris Aquino– tolerable on the computer monitor and the cellphone screen but irritating when heard. This takes on a heightened level of annoyance when the speaker animates the expression by prolonging the last syllable. At which point I summon all my powers of restraint to stop strangling speaker with my bare hands. Especially when said speaker happens to be a red-blooded male.
3. "Meh ganun?" - Because the radio station Energy FM 91.5 is among the best reasons for avoiding public transport.
4. "Elow po"– With the optional "poh." Indicates that the speaker is either a 14-year-old girl who has a pink-wallpapered Friendster account or just a complete dumbass.
5. "Chorva"– Because in 1574 God invented the dictionary. Two and a half months before that, God invented the human brain, which he intended for complex systems of operations like logic, reasoning, analysis, and language. Which means, God did not want all his creatures to speak like they worked the night shift at Reyes Haircutters. If he did, we'd all have naturally bleached, over-gelled hair. That, plus perennially raised collars.
6. "Nownah"– Which is "now na" pulled down to unfathomably moronic depths, but is actually persuasive in specific instances. E.g. "I will bludgeon you until you're comatose, you stupid idiot. When? Nownah."
7. "Ayuz"– The bigger schmuck, however, is that record company dork behind Ayuz: The Compilation.
8. "Haller" – God's way of telling us we're not reading enough books.
9. "Text-text"– Indicates several things: a. A certain appointment/ person is not important enough to merit an exact time and place. b. "We're so dumb we can't even make up our minds about which restaurant. You'll be late? It's okay. I'll be late, too." b. "Let's play it by ear. Maybe I'll feel lazy and I won't be in the mood to see you." c. The improvisational nature of the Filipino temperament. Which is probably explains why we're the mightiest, most efficient nation on the planet.
10. "OMG" – Marks the completion of our descent from human beings into ants.
credits to : Spot.PH
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
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If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
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If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
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If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
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If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
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If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
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If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
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If you fail to help her in crossing the street,you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
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If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
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If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
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Why Why Women O Why
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:
Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”
2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”
3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”
4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.
5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”
6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”
7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit.
8. Itext mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”
9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”
10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”
11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: "aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko"
12. Pagkatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, "ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo"
13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng "salbabida", wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bkt? ang isagot mo ay " ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko."
14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”
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